the world is not what I think it should be

The world is not what I think it should be

So what does that mean?

I see so many things that just seem so wrong to me

I tried to discard it and live anyways

It doesn't work

My mind depresses

I continue

It pushes back harder, tells me life shouldn't be for me

I still try

My mind responds, gives me images of self-pain, begins as soon as I wake, overwhelms, makes it hard to breathe, never relents

I continue, I fight through the moments, I keep going

My mind says no, says if I won't listen, it will simply make me unable to read, to comprend, to do basic things

I try not to get frustrated, rest, then start with the easy stuff until I can do more

Until, one day, I stop, at some point, the choice is gone, at some point, work simply can't be done, there no longer is an option, and I give in

And I get better

My mind relieved

But I'm disconnected

I'm on the out, and don't know if I should try to be in

Still see so much I can't see as moral

Don't understand how so much seen as basic is acceptable

Don't understand the difference, the cognitive dissonance, the destruction

The split between morality and money

The guilt and the reward

The mind and the living